This blog was partially inspired by a series at church we have been on called “Building A Bridge of Friendship”. People that know me best knows my mind can wander quickly and when “Listening” became a topic in the sermon my mind started putting togethor this blog.
Yes I can hear you but do I?
“Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!”
Matthew 11:15
In our teens world today they hear all sort of things on a daily basis that can be overbearing for them to absorb and process on their own. Sometimes we need only to be still and listen, really listen to them. In my own home when I remember to stop and listen not only does it bring me and my children closer, I have been able to restore peace to many anxious situations.
It is after school, and my 15-year-old daughter and her friends are in my car on the way to softball practice talking about what happened in school that day, and I am listening.
At first I pretend I don’t hear much as I drive through after school traffic, but then I chime in with a question about a kid they said was suspended from school for drugs.
This is a typical day in my life . . . kids talking on the way to a practice session, or in my living room with their backpacks strewn about, as they share their feelings about school, their thoughts about life, and sometimes just joking around like kids do.
I then casually asked if they knew the boy.
While my daughter did not, her best friend said, “I’ve known them since I was little. We talked for the rest of the drive about the issue of drugs in school, their feelings and their fears.
As the mother of two teenagers, and guardian to many others, I have found that they often share their deepest feelings in the most casual of settings, and often at the most inopportune of times.
That is why it is so very important, say child experts, to both “talk and listen” to your kids, and often.
Listening is the key to finding out how they really feel, and the best way to find out if they are in trouble.
While this may seem like an truly simple answer, kids who are depressed and have serious problems often report they don’t have adults “to talk to or turn to” when they need help.
Parents also need to pay attention to what their kids are doing, what their friends are doing, and what kids you don’t even know might be doing.
What they are saying and not saying is also important.
For example, when was the last time you took the time to ask your child how they really felt . . . waited around to hear their answer . . . and were willing to accept an answer you weren’t expecting or didn’t want to hear?
Some comments by teens include: “No one listens to me when I talk;” “It’s better if I just say nothing at all.” and, ”what I say never matters; I feel invisible”
Sadly, it’s not their friends they are talking about, but the adults in their lives.
The reality is that when parents don’t communicate, kids are the ones to suffer.
A 14-year-old boy said, “When I try and talk to my parents, they tell me ‘they’re too busy.’ They’re always busy and they have no idea what’s going on.”
As a busy mom and houseparent of many, there are plenty of times when I have been too tired to “want to hear anything”, much less what a teenager has to say.
But then I recall my own childhood and how my parents “were always there for me,” and wonder how I might have turned out if they had not been there to listen and to talk.
I also recall the day when I found out my youth pastor committed suicide . . . when my best friend moved to another town . . . and when two teenage boys from my high school class died in an alcohol-related car accident during spring break.
That’s why I talk to my kids.
It’s not always convenient, it’s not always fun, and it’s not always meaningful or momentous.
But at least I know that I am tuned in to their lives in some way, and that I may just learn a thing or two about how they are feeling; even if it is something that I don’t want to hear.
And that’s just the key, say childhood experts . . . listening to kids even when you’re not in the mood, because if you don’t, your kids may just keep everything bottled up inside.
I am reminded of this a lot while listening to Miranda-Lambert's newest song, “Automatic”. One line in the verse goes:
It all just seems so good the way we had it
Back before everything became, automatic
It talks about going back when things were slower, were you'd have time to “LISTEN”
Although listening may appear to be easy, it is often hard work. True listening requires you give another person your attention and possibly to change your attitudes as you listen. Listening can be more difficult than performing physical labor. A favorite passage of mine from the Gospel of Luke tells the story of two sisters. Martha and Mary welcomed Jesus as a guest into their home. Martha became irritated with her sister because Mary decided to listen to Jesus speak rather than help clean the house. Jesus praised Mary's patience and desire to hear the word of God (to listen). He instructed Martha:
"You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." (Luke 10:38-42).
In closing I will leave you with these wise words by Catherine M. Wallace:
“Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”
And remember if you are not listening they will find someone or something that will and it may not have their best interest at heart.
Take the time out from our crazy “Automatic” life to LISTEN!
Taking time-out from life to Listen
~Clarinda~
Hey check out this great place I love, live and work at for ways to help at risk youth and read other great parenting blogs
http:/www.carpenterplace.org/
It has been awhile and a journey since I have blogged here. Just couldn't resist posting pics from another of my passions, Photography! This session is bittersweet it is my sons senior prom and Senior pics. My how time flies wasn't it yesterday he was in preschool. Anyway love these pics and the subject even if Kansas winds threatened to sabotage.
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